What if you could be happy all the time?
Lose a client? Happy.
End a relationship? Happy.
Something doesn’t go your way? Still happy.
I know that sounds unrealistic. So I tried something.
For 24 hours, I repeatedly asked myself one question:
“Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”
The results surprised me.
A lot of the time, the answer was no.
That realization changed the way I thought about happiness.
How to be happy is a question we’ve asked ourselves for lifetimes. So much of what we do every day is an attempt to find happiness or recreate moments that once made us happy.
But what if happiness isn’t something you have to find?
What if you could choose it?
By the end of this article, I’ll show you what I discovered about happiness, whether it’s possible to experience it consistently, and the simple practices I now use to choose it more often.
Let’s start at the beginning.
How does society currently define happiness?
According to the dictionary, happiness is “the state of being happy.”
Duh. 😁
So what does happy mean?
Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
If you keep following those definitions, something interesting happens. Words like pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, and enjoyment eventually point toward two basic ideas:
- Getting something you want.
- Having something go the way you expected.
I do computer programming from time to time, so naturally I did the nerdiest thing possible: I started treating these definitions like variables and substituting one into another. 😁
And that’s when I noticed something.
We’ve made happiness conditional.
If I decide happiness is having a million dollars in my bank account, I can’t be happy until I have a million dollars.
But if I decide happiness is simply having a bank account, suddenly I qualify.
In both cases, I created the condition.
So maybe the problem isn’t that we can’t find happiness.
Maybe it’s that we’ve decided happiness requires something to happen first.
But what if it doesn’t?
What is happiness really?
One thing is certain: we’ve all experienced happiness at some point.
Think of one of those moments when you were genuinely happy.
Close your eyes.
Go there for a second.
Then open your eyes.
What did you notice?
Chances are, in that moment, you didn’t have a care in the world. You weren’t thinking about what happened yesterday or worrying about what might happen tomorrow.
You were there.
Fully engaged in the moment.
And something else happens when we’re genuinely happy: we tend to share it. We smile at people. We laugh. We become more generous with our energy. And often, the people around us become happier too.
So there are two important clues here:
Happiness happens in the present.
And:
Giving happiness doesn’t decrease it. It seems to increase it.
Remember the dictionary definition from earlier?
Happiness is the state of being happy.
The important words aren’t just happy.
They’re state of being.
Perhaps happiness isn’t something we find, achieve, earn, or possess.
Perhaps happiness is something we “be“.
Be happy.
Now compare happiness to some of the other states we experience.
Sadness often pulls our attention toward something that happened. Fear often pulls it toward something that might happen. Anger can keep us attached to something we believe should have happened differently.
Notice what they have in common:
They can pull us away from what is happening right now.
Happiness is interesting because, in those moments when we’re genuinely happy, we aren’t trying to get anywhere else.
We’re here.
That doesn’t mean sadness, fear, or anger aren’t real experiences or that we should ignore them. Just notice their relationship with your attention and with time.
It gives us another clue:
Perhaps happiness has less to do with what happens to us and more to do with how fully we’re able to be here.
Can unceasing happiness be achieved?
Yes, but it takes practice.
Think about how much of what we do happens automatically.
Our beliefs influence our thoughts.
Our thoughts influence our words.
Our words influence our actions.
Our actions become habits.
And those habits reinforce our beliefs.
So if happiness is a state of being, we can practice returning to that state until it becomes more natural.
From everything we’ve explored so far, two practices stand out:
1. Be in the moment.
The more attention you give to the past or an imagined future, the less attention you can give to what’s happening right now.
2. Give happiness.
When you’re happy, you naturally extend it. You smile. You encourage. You appreciate. And the happiness you give begins showing up in the world around you.
Which creates an interesting little loop:
To give happiness, you have to have happiness to give.
And to have happiness to give…
you have to be happy.
There we are again.
Just. Be. Happy.
Sounds almost too easy, right?
That’s what I wanted to test.
So I paused writing this article and tried to consciously choose happiness for the next 24 hours.
What happened?
The results were enlightening.
Throughout the day, I kept checking in with myself and asking:
“Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”
And a lot of the time, the answer was…
No.
That was a huge wake-up call.
Nothing was stopping me from being happy in those moments. I simply wasn’t choosing it.
Sometimes my attention had wandered. Sometimes I was thinking about something that had happened or something that might happen. Sometimes I was just moving through the day without consciously checking in with myself at all.
But every time I asked the question, something happened:
I had a choice again.
That became the most important lesson of the entire experiment.
If I wanted to experience happiness more consistently, I needed to become more conscious of whether I was actually choosing it.
Do you want to be happy all the time, really?
The obvious answer seems like:
YES!
But think about it.
Being happy all the time would mean giving up some things you may have become accustomed to.
Holding grudges.
Replaying what someone did to you.
Needing certain things to happen before you allow yourself to feel good.
Judging people.
Worrying about what might happen next.
Even being “right” when being right costs you your happiness.
Suddenly, choosing happiness all the time doesn’t sound quite as simple.
And that’s worth noticing.
If there’s a situation where you believe you can’t be happy, ask yourself:
What am I valuing more than my happiness right now?
Don’t judge your answer. Just notice it.
Before reading this article, were you enjoying your day?
Actually, don’t answer that. 😁
That moment is gone.
The only one you can choose is this one.
So a better question is:
Are you willing to choose happiness right now?
How to be happy all the time no matter what
From my experiment and everything we’ve explored so far, I came up with five practices:
- Ask yourself, “Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”
- Stay firmly rooted in the moment.
- Surround yourself with happiness.
- Give only happiness to others.
- Forgive.
1. Ask yourself, “Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”
This is the most important practice on the list.
As long as you keep asking yourself this question, the others begin to fall into place.
The trick is remembering to ask.
Put a note on your bathroom mirror. Make it your phone background. Ask yourself when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Set a few reminders throughout the day.
Do whatever works for you.
Then, when the question comes:
“Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”
Answer honestly.
If the answer is no, you don’t have to judge yourself or figure out why.
You simply get to choose again.
2. Stay firmly rooted in the moment.
Our minds love wandering into moments that aren’t here.
Something that happened yesterday.
Something that might happen tomorrow.
Something we wish we’d done differently.
But none of those moments are happening right now.
Practice bringing your attention back here.
This doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen or never planning for the future. It means not sacrificing the only moment you can actually experience for one that isn’t here.
Be here now.
3. Surround yourself with happiness.
Take a look at what your mind eats.
Yes, your mind can eat. 😁
Every day, it takes in music, conversations, videos, social media, images, words, and ideas.
So ask yourself:
What am I feeding it?
Really listen to the music you play. Are the words expressing happiness, peace, and love, or are they sowing seeds of fear, judgment, and separation?
Pay attention to what you watch. Notice how you feel after certain conversations or after scrolling certain accounts.
Become conscious of what you’re feeding your mind and choose purposefully.
This is also one of the reasons I make the music I create.
Many people who listen to my songs have told me they became happier, let go of things they’d been holding onto, or began seeing their thoughts differently.
My songs are written to help you see your thoughts for what they are and distinguish what’s real from what may only appear to be.
There’s nothing to feel bad about if you realize you’ve been feeding your mind things that don’t serve you. We’ve all done it.
Just choose again.
And if you need somewhere to start, listen to “Let Go.”
4. Give only happiness to others.
There’s an idea from A Course in Miracles that has stayed with me: what you perceive in others, you strengthen in yourself.
I’ve found the same principle applies to what we give.
Give encouragement and you experience yourself encouraging.
Give appreciation and you experience appreciation.
Give happiness and you experience yourself having happiness to give.
That’s important.
Sometimes, in an attempt to get what we want, we give guilt, anger or attack instead.
But if giving strengthens something within us, why strengthen what we don’t want?
Give what you want to experience.
Love with all your heart.
Encourage people.
Celebrate them.
Give happiness freely.
5. Forgive.
Every judgment creates another condition for your happiness.
They shouldn’t have done that.
This shouldn’t have happened.
Things were supposed to go differently.
Imagine making just 30 judgments a day.
That’s 10,950 judgments in a year.
That’s potentially 10,950 conditions you’ve placed between yourself and happiness.
That’s no fun. 😁
Forgiveness allows you to release those conditions.
You don’t have to pretend you know that everything someone did was right. You don’t even know everything that led them to do it.
You only see the world through your eyes.
So release the judgment when you can.
Focus on what you want to experience rather than constantly focusing on what you don’t.
And choose happiness again.
8 Affirmations To Say To Stay Happy
Here are eight affirmations based on everything we just covered.
Say them in the morning, before bed, or anytime you notice yourself moving away from happiness.
- I only share happiness with others because I can only share what I possess.
- Right now, I am choosing to be happy.
- I am surrounded by happiness.
- I am here now.
- I am happiness.
- I am forgiving.
- I am forgiven.
- I am happy.
You don’t have to force yourself to believe every word.
Say them. Sit with them. Notice what comes up.
And most importantly, keep returning to the question:
“Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”
Bonus Tip
Set aside five minutes each day to reflect on everything you’re grateful for.
That’s it.
No complicated routine. No special technique.
For five minutes, give your full attention to what you appreciate right now.
It’s one of the simplest ways to shift your attention toward happiness.
Get Help Staying Happy
Sometimes you understand what to do, but something still seems to get in the way.
That’s where I can help.
If you’re ready to look at what’s keeping you from choosing happiness, let’s talk.
We’ll look at where you are, what’s getting in the way, and what might change if you started choosing differently.
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