Happiness. We all want it. We all love to be it. Most importantly, we never want to be without it.

Happy people are just fun to be around unless of course, you don’t feel happy.

Happiness doesn’t mean you have to skip up and down the street singling la la la. But it does mean that you are truly content with life at this moment.

A while back I wrote How To Be Happy All The Time. That article is a very detailed look at what’s blocking your happiness and how to change it.

This checklist is a simplified version. When you’re able to complete this checklist, you’ll know that you are living the best possible life you can.

Living the best possible life does not mean you won’t have goals and new experiences you want to try. It means that whether you meet those goals or not, you’re still happy. It also means that there will be nothing stopping you from pursuing more joy.

You will be free.

I just have one question for you.

Would you complete this checklist if you knew it would lead you to ultimate happiness?

The Simple Checklist for a Happy Life

• I’ve organized my life so that my mornings are happy
• I’ve organized my life so that my afternoons are happy
• I’ve organized my life so that my evenings are happy
• I’ve organized my life so that when I sleep, I sleep well

Happiness Checklist Explained

Just so there’s no mistaking, mornings are from when you wake until noon. Afternoons are from noon until about 5 pm. Evenings are from 5 pm until bedtime. And of course, your sleep time is when you’re sleeping.

This is pretty simple, right?

Yet there are many things at play.

Your morning may be affected by how well you sleep. And your sleep may be affected by your nights.

Each part of your day seems to affect another.

By focusing on one part at a time, you can see the inconsistencies. You’ll see the patterns within your relationships, health, work, and even leisure.

You may even discover that your nights, sleep, and mornings are perfect, but your afternoons aren’t so happy.

In this case, taking action toward improving your afternoons may lead to your mornings declining in happiness.

But that’s what’s great about this. You will start to create holistic solutions so that every part of your life is filled with happiness and not just some.

How To Use This Checklist

1. 1. Write out your checklist (or use this printable Happiness Checklist)
   2. Purposefully reflect on yesterday
   3. Mark a check next to each section that you experienced total happiness
   4. Count the number of checkmarks to get your Happiness Score for yesterday

Happiness Score of 4 – I’m Happy!

If your score is 4, congratulations, you live a happy life or at least lived one yesterday.

Just in case yesterday did not represent your normal routine, repeat the checklist for a day that does. Then compare the results.

If your score is still a 4, then keep on being happy!

Happiness Score of 3 – I’m Pretty Happy

Congratulations! You may have a few things to reorder in your life, but this is still a great place to be.

Work toward being happy in that remaining area and take care to not take any away from the others.

It’s ok to take baby steps.

Happiness Score of 2 – I Want A Happier Life

Half of your days are happy and if you count weekends, you’re over 50%, which is a good start.

However, it’s time to take inventory, but don’t focus on all parts of your day at once.

Start with one and list out what you think prevented you from being happy.

Work toward being happy in that area. This might involve learning some new skills or even unlearning old behaviors.

No matter where this journey takes you, let it take you happily.

Once you reach a score of 3, follow the instructions above.

Happiness Score of 1 – I Need To Make Some Changes

A score of 1 seems bad, but it’s really a good thing because now you know. And since you know, you can do something about it.

Start by asking yourself, “Do I really want to continue living life like this? Is it worth it? How will I know if it’s worth it? How long have my days been like this?”

If you don’t like the answer to any of these questions, good. You are more aware of your needs than you ever have been.

Start small. Don’t make any big changes yet like quit your job and leave your spouse.

Choose the easiest timeframe to improve. Really go at it.

It won’t take long to improve at all.

Once you get your Happiness Score to 2, following the instructions above for that score.

Happiness Score of 0 – I Need To Make Some Immediate Changes

The good news is, your score is only going to go up from here.

Changes do need to be made. Know that you deserve happiness in your life.

Say this right now, “I’m open to the idea that I deserve more happiness in my life.”

Say it once more. “I’m open to the idea that I deserve more happiness in my life.”

Awesome! The remnants of that phrase are now echoing throughout the universe gathering allies to help you realize this.

I’m one of them. Message me here with the subject “I Got A Happiness Score of 0”. In the body of the message, let me know anything you think I need to know in order to help you.

I’ll respond shortly with some assistance.

Stay Happy

Life is meant to be lived happily. Even if your idea of happiness is not the norm, you still deserve to be happy.

Live what that is for you.

The post Happiness Checklist: Get Your Happiness Score appeared first on JClay.

Focus on the good. This seems like great advice. Since what you focus on expands, all you have to do is focus on the good to increase it, right?

Not so much.

There’s a fatal flaw in this logic. This flaw will be the basis of this article. The “good” thing is that by the end of it, you’ll have a better understanding of what is stopping you from being happy all the time.

Focusing on the good is a decent starting point in turning things around in your life, but I want you to be totally happy and remain that way no matter what.

So let’s get into it.

What’s Good?

Take a moment to think about what’s good in your life.

Feel free to grab a journal or open a text document and list out everything you can think of.

Just so you won’t take the easy way out, list at least 20 things.

You will be happy you did. Most people don’t realize that there are so many things in the world they are grateful for.

This exercise is your chance to see them all in one place.

It could be something as simple as popcorn or something like a rapper that made a classic healing album. Yes, that was a shameless plug. But focus.

Make your list.

With your list made, pay attention to how you feel right now.

That is genuine gratitude that you are feeling. See, you have more reasons to be happy about than you realize.

So how could focusing on these things ever be bad?

What Happens When You Focus On The Good Only

Look at your list again now think about each item’s opposite, if applicable.

For example, you may have on your list that all your bills are paid for this month. Its opposite would be, you have bills that you are unable to pay.

Another example would be that you’re thankful for a loved one in your life. Its opposite would be that the loved one is no longer in your life.

Would you consider these opposites bad?

Most would.

The problem is that by focusing on what you consider good, you’ve created the exact circumstances that will make you unhappy.

If your list has opposites, then if one or more of the opposites were to occur, you would no longer be in a gracious state.

This is because your faith lies in what’s on your list and many other things that exist outside of you.

What To Do Instead of Focusing Only on What’s Good

Since you are the one that continuously gives power to these things, then this power is yours to remove or give to something else.

Certain questions come to mind.

1. How did I give power to these things and how do I stop?
2. Where does this source of power even come from?
3. What should I give this power to?

Let’s answer each of these.

1. How did I give power to these things and how do I stop?

In short, it’s based on your judgments. By judging something as good, you’ve inadvertently judged the opposite as bad. Else there would be no reason to judge it is good. It would just be.

I go into much more detail about the mistakes of judging in these articles:

• Why It’s Hard To Make Friends As An Adult, The Math
• Law of Attraction Mistakes That Undo Your Progress
• The Painting: A Modern-Day Parable

The important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t judge anything. In order to accurately judge something, you would have to know EVERYTHING about it including its past and future.

For example, a person may have judged that it’s hard to make a lot of money. Another may have judged that’s it’s easy to make a lot of money. Who’s right when they both are successfully making money according to how they choose to work?

They both are correct. Each one is bound to the rules he or she has set through judgment.

Yet another person may have not judged anything about this at all. He or she is free to make money or not make money, work hard or not work hard. Regardless, this person will remain at peace about what he or she is doing.

2. Where does this source of power even come from?

This is an excellent question. Before we answer together, you should try to answer yourself.

Where does your power come from?

Possible answers you may have said are yourself, God, the food you eat, the exercise that you do, all of the above, etc.

Which answers are the truth, if any?

First, let’s determine if any of these power sources are limited in any way.

Food is obviously limited. It has to be grown or prepared, which depends on many outside factors.

We should be able to agree that exercise is limited as well because nobody exercises 24 hours a day every day.

What about God?

There’s a lot of debate about who or what God is. So let’s come back to this later.

What about yourself?

Those that believe in themselves seem to be pretty confident and happy. Those that do not believe in themselves seem to either be sad at, mad at, or scared of the world.

We can almost conclude that the source of your power is yourself or the belief in yourself.

There’s just one problem, you didn’t create yourself. Or did you?

“JClay, this is getting too deep. I’m not ready for this.” Stick with me, even though I don’t know where this is going either.

We’re taught that our parents made us and that their parents made them. Well, who or what made our parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’ssssssss?

Some may say science, but science does not create. Science attempts to explain what already happened.

So we’re brought back to God. Well, who is God? Who created God? Did He create Himself? If so, does that mean another God can create Him or Herself at any moment?

These are a lot of tough questions that won’t be answered right now in this article.

One question for you that can be answered is that if you can’t answer the above, how can you know with all certainty what is good and what is not?

It’s best to leave the judging to whatever force did the supposed creating, because He, She, or It obviously knows more than you.

And this brings us to our last question.

3. What should I give this power to?

Life is giving and so is your identity.

You are the thoughts you give/share with others. For example, if you’re always speaking about music, you see yourself as a musician or a music lover.

It’s the same with the stories you share of your perception of your past. These are the things you are currently giving power to and identifying as.

Humans are very reciprocatory beings.

Give people compliments and they’ll respond with one of their own or even a smile-inducing smile. On the other hand, give people a harsh criticism and they’ll give a painful look or another criticism in return.

You are only giving power to the things outside of yourself that you think give you power (you’re reciprocating).

This is why some really focus on what they eat while others may focus on what they read. The possibilities are endless.

Yet the original question answers itself.

If what you give power to seems to be limited, yet you seem to always have more power to give even when you change the object of what you’ve given power to, then you must be powerful.

*please read that sentence again*

How else could you consistently receive power from what’s limited while endlessly giving it away?

You can’t unless you’re already full of power.

But again, you acknowledge that you don’t believe you created yourself. You also acknowledge that your parents don’t seem to be unlimited.

Then there must be something else supplying your power that you can return the favor to.

Let me know in the comments who or what that is for you.

The Important Things To Remember

The first thing to remember is don’t make any new judgments.

Every judgment creates a split in reality where only half of it will make you happy.

Why have half happiness when you can have complete happiness?

The second thing to remember is to forgive all of your previous judgments.

This opens your world and allows you to experience peace and happiness despite what seems to be happening in the world.

When you stop giving your power/focus away to other people and things, it remains with you. You then get to be a reflection of power to others so that they may do the same.

You may also enjoy: Make Your Words So Powerful That They Manifest Instantly.

The post Don’t Just Focus On The Good If You Want To Be Happy appeared first on JClay.

Do you know how many thoughts go through your head per day?

100? 500? 1,000?

Results from a 2020 study suggested that on average, 6,000 thoughts go through your head in a single day!^[1]

Since our core thoughts don’t change much day-to-day, most are likely the same ideas from the day before.

And if the majority of these thoughts are perceived as negative, finding peace of mind would prove difficult.

A study found that mental imagery directly impacts your visual perception.^[2]

It found that even a single instance of an image can tilt how you see the world, dramatically if the conditions are right.

This means that what you consider reality is simply a matter of the thoughts you repeatedly think.

And since the mind controls the body, we begin to see how illness is allowed to manifest and grow within that body.

It’s the placebo effect but in reverse.

This is why many make a big deal about saying affirmations, taking time to visualize, and even sit quietly to meditate.

Meditation allows you to silence all thoughts, especially those you did not create.

Visualization allows you to see the world as you would have it be. As they say, seeing is believing.

Affirmations allow you to affirm with confidence your state of being, which is a result of your thoughts. Hence the saying, think before you speak.

Music is a wonderful tool to accomplish all three.

One study showed that the patients who listened to music had less anxiety and stress hormones in the body than people who took drugs.^[3]

When listening to music, your mind goes to another place (meditation).

You can feel and imagine what the song invokes (visualization).

And what do you do while listening? You sing or chant along (affirmations) with full confidence even if the song has nothing to do with your life.

The big question then is, what happens when the songs you choose unknowingly reinforce the thoughts of distrust, loneliness, and even depression that led you to seek distraction in music in the first place?

Another loop.

You need music to calm down because you feel anxious. Yet you feel anxious because you’ve added more thoughts of fear rather than thoughts of joy to your mind.

These thoughts play in your head on repeat all day long to the tune of your favorite song created by artists that share this same distorted way of thinking.

So how do you get out of this loop?

The same way you got in.

By adding more thoughts, but this time thoughts of truth. And by letting go of the non-true thoughts you’ve clung to for so long.

But this could take years and a level of focus that a mind in this state isn’t capable of reaching alone.

This is where I come in.

I speak to the source of your conflicting thoughts using your logic patterns so that you can clearly see the truth from the illusion.

I do this using music, imagery, and nature’s gift … repetition.

By listening to even one of my songs twice a day, you’ll have enough thoughts of truth going through your mind in a week than you’ve had all year long.

As many have stated:

• “Man your rap really heals the pain, I’ve listened to this more than 100 times”
• “Your songs work like medicine”
• “Wooooooooow”
• “I suffer from depression and anxiety, this is gonna help me live my guy”

Music is medicine, but my album IAMNOBODY, IAMSOMEONE can be a cure.

What music do you listen to regularly?

The post The Emotional Alchemy of Music: Turn Down the Negativity, Turn Up the Joy appeared first on JClay.

If you aren’t setting a New Year’s Resolution this year, you may want to reconsider.

According to Finder, 74% of the US population say they are determined to make positive changes this year.

What does this mean for you?

This means that whether your goal is health, wealth, love, faith, career, or any other thing you want more of in your life, you will have access to a large number of active accountability partners and motivational influences (188.9 million adult Americans).

You will be completely immersed in this “let’s get it” energy. Well at least for the first two weeks of the year.

But don’t worry. Two weeks, not willpower, is all that you will need.

By following the steps outlined in this article, you’ll be on course to not only achieve your new year’s resolution by the end of the year, but you’ll also have learned the secret to achieving any goal at any time.

Are you ready to achieve your definite chief aim?

Here’s a list of new year’s resolution ideas.

1. Know What You Want, Truly

You say you know what you want, but do you really?

Each one of your wants is based on your beliefs. For example, if you believe that having more money will make you happy, then you will want more money.

This seems logical, but what happens when your beliefs are wrong?

Really think about this. You feel that you know what you know. But the fact that you have a want means you don’t know how to have it yet, or else you would have it already.

A part of you even believes that you can’t have it, which is also why you don’t already have it.

It’s important to accept that what you believe may not be totally true. The good thing about this is that by letting go of these limiting beliefs, you make room for new ones that align with what you want.

So how can you ever find out what you truly want?

To find out what you truly want behind your new year’s resolution, treat yourself like a 3-year-old, and play the Why Game.

As an example, I’m going to do this with one of my goals.

One of my goals this year is to sell 1,000 copies of the special-edition version of my album that I’ll be announcing in January.

3-year-old JClay: Why do you want that?

Right-now JClay: Because I’ll have enough money to release more music and videos at a faster rate to impact more people?

3-year-old JClay: But why?

Right-now JClay: Because I love making music and helping people. And the more people I help, the better the world becomes, and the more I’ll believe that help is always available for all including myself.

3-year-old JClay: Why don’t you already believe that help is always available now?

Right-now JClay: Because I haven’t always helped when I was able to?

3-year-old JClay: So selling the special-edition version of your album will atone for you not helping people?

Right-now JClay: How are you asking these deep questions and you’re 3 years old? But I guess so. This is my way of giving back and giving forward. By planting the seeds of peace and love in all that surrounds me, it’s trees will grow and I will be in the center of its beautiful garden.

3-year-old JClay: So you’re being selfish?

Right-now JClay: Yes and no. Yes, because I want the best for myself. No, because in order to have all, I must give all to others, which goes against the definition of selfishness.

3-year-old JClay: No further questions. I’m proud to be you one day.

What just happened?

As you can see, the Why Game is pretty powerful if you are willing to truly look at yourself.

The above was not planned and these were real questions and answers.

I’ve done this before and in some cases, you may find that you don’t really want the goal. What you want is something deeper, which is its own goal.

Doing this step of figuring out what you truly want will save you from achieving meaningless goals.

2. Write down your new year’s resolution this particular way

Writing down your new year’s resolution helps you to make it real or “realize” it.

When you write something down, it goes through many channels. First, it starts with your underlying emotion. Next, that emotion becomes thought. That thought is then given its symbolic equivalent in the form of words. Finally, those words are recorded on something physical.

The above is a good example of why you shouldn’t be loose with your words. You could be making something real in your life that has no business being there.

Look at what you’re doing right now

When writing your new year’s resolution, it’s important to avoid future tense. Doing so eliminates the separation between you and what you want.

For example, a future tense new year’s resolution could be, “By the end of this year I’ll have at least $750,000 among all of my bank accounts.”

A present tense new year’s resolution to achieve the same could be, “I have access to over $750,000 to help me improve my lifestyle and achieve my goals.”

Let’s look at the difference between the two.

In the future tense version, a likely question is, “How am I going to do that?” And depending on how much money you’re currently making, a hint of doubt may surface, which brings your thoughts further away from what you want.

In the present tense version, a likely question would be, “If I have access to it, then where is it?” Your mind has already accepted the possibility of having access to it and it’s now formulating where and how to get it.

You can use this technique no matter what your new year’s resolution is and best of all, you don’t even have to come up with it yourself.

Just use the formula “present tense {topic} affirmations” to google what you need.

For example, using that formula with money, you would google, “present tense money affirmations”. From the list of websites on Google, they’ll be plenty of affirmations to choose from.

3. Forget about your new year’s resolution completely

What? Then how will I achieve it?

Think about everything you currently have right now that you know for sure isn’t going anywhere. You’re not worried about it at all. It’s yours!

Or, you’re not worried about it because it could be easily replaced with something just as valuable.

Treat your goals the same way. You already set your intention. Show faith in that by knowing that it will come to fruition.

When you send an email, you don’t normally wait in front of the computer all day for a confirmation that it reached its destination. You go about your day and trust that it’s received knowing that if it isn’t, you’ll receive notification and you can just send another email afterward.

Again, treat your goals the same way. Let nature happen. If the best employees in the world are those that aren’t micromanaged, then why micromanage your goals? Believe that they will happen and they will.

Even though I’m telling you to forget your new year’s resolution, it’s still important that you wrote it down first.

This next still will make it all make sense.

4. Focus on the habits, not the goal

As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits says, “Problem #1: Winners and losers have the same goals.”

Goals are one moment in time. Habits are all the time.

If your goal is to be happy, wouldn’t you rather be happy all the time instead of just one moment in time?

Almost every goal that you want to accomplish has already been accomplished by someone. Even better, that person is happy to share his or her experience of how the goal was achieved.

In many cases, the achievement wasn’t even the goal. It was simply the effects caused by the habits of the person.

Speaking of happiness, I’ve been practicing the art of letting go. My song Let Go wasn’t just for you, it has also helped me tremendously.

One of the effects of letting go is happiness. The reason is that there’s never a reason to hold on to anything that causes discomfort.

If someone cuts you off in traffic and it angers you, why hold on to the thought that the person cut you off? There was no accident, you’re closer to your destination, and it’s not happening anymore right now.

You can become so good at letting things go that nothing would ever matter again. Every moment will be filled with endless opportunities to experience joy because there is no judgment of the moment to tell you otherwise.

With whatever goal you’re aiming for, list out the habits that will allow you to live that lifestyle.

Google can also help you with this. Just search “habits of {types of people}”. For example, “habits of successful people”.

5. Continue to Be

By focusing on the habits you will already be the person you want to be.

The rest of the world may not recognize you as this person yet, but you will. Thus you will carry yourself like this person resulting in others treating you like this person.

In a very short time, no one will ever remember how you were before. They will be dominated by your “presence”.

You can also use this technique for habits that you do not want. Make a list of alternative habits that you’ll start doing instead of the unwanted ones. Then be the person that does these habits.

Start easy though. If you haven’t run in years, don’t start off by running a marathon. Start off walking. It’s more important to solidify the habit itself than to try it and stop doing it completely because it was too challenging.

The book I mentioned above, Atomic Habits, is a great guide to making lasting wanted habits.

So be who you were meant to be. Be who you are. Be you.

6. Congratulations!

Congratulations! You’ve just achieved your new year’s resolution. It’s as good as done. You no longer have to worry about it.

You have also outlined an impressive lifestyle for you to start living right now. Live it.

Don’t look back. Enjoy it always in all ways.

The post This Will Absolutely Help You Achieve Your New Year’s Resolution appeared first on JClay.

I’ll admit, I’m late on this. I never placed great value on telling a person Happy Birthday. My thinking has been along the lines of … “Every day is special. Let’s celebrate all the days.”

I still agree with that, but I’ve come around to understand the extra magic that surrounds celebrating birthdays.

Besides, “Happy birthday” is a positive affirmation and today is my actual birthday.

So for a limited time, I’m accepting gifts.

Here are a few suggestions for great gifts:

• Merch – $$-$$$ – you get something fly that reminds you to be your true self and it helps me to keep making great content that you love
• Follow me on my social accounts (links in the footer) – FREE – you will get positivity reminders throughout the day
• Donate – $-$$$$$ – you’ll feel all tingly inside and you’ll be helping me to extend this message of love to more people that need it
• Share your favorite song/post of mine – FREE – you’ll be directly enriching the lives of those that see your shares
• Do all of the above – PRICELESS – you’ll be recognized as an awesome person that loves life and the people in it

The Realization

Before a couple of years ago, I never really bothered telling people other than close friends and family “Happy birthday!” I always thought that they are already getting bombarded with text messages and phone calls that they don’t need another.

Well, I was wrong. I noticed two birthdays ago that every time a person said it to me, I felt good inside. It was weird. I even questioned this as I do all things. Why does this make me feel good and loved? The only answer I received from within was, “Don’t question it; just accept it.” Accept it I did.

From then on, I decided to tell everyone I knew Happy Birthday on his or her actual birthday. It’s a simple gesture that has a chance of adding joy to one’s day.

However, this wasn’t as easy as it seemed … at first.

I didn’t really know people’s birthdays. And since my birthday is so easy to remember considering that it falls on Christmas Eve, I used it as an excuse to not remember others’ birthdays like…”How dare they not have an easy-to-remember birthday?” Trust me, I know how this sounds.

Finding the birthdays

I used a few tools to make this process easier: Facebook, an app called hip, and Google. On Facebook, I have my notifications turned off. There are just too many and it’s easier for me to go on at free intervals and interact. So I’m not sure if Facebook notifies you of birthdays or not.

I started with my close friends whose birthdays I didn’t know. The easier way would be to just ask them but remember, I’m supposed to have already known this because they are my close friends. So I would look at their Facebook profile.

Then there are those friends that have hidden their birthday on Facebook. If that’s you, undo it. You’re missing out on hundreds of great messages on your day.

For these friends, I had to get help from good ol’ Google.

I live in TX and in TX your info is everywhere for free. I can type “Jelani Clay birthday” and a few sites would pop up claiming to know my information. The other information isn’t always true, but my birthday is.

I’m not really worried about my information being used maliciously, because I believe everything happens for our highest good. Plus if I really wanted to, I could opt out of all of these sites.

Anyway, I can usually find most friends’ birthdays via this method.

There were still a few friends that have managed to keep their birthdays hidden publicly everywhere. For that, I would contact a mutual friend and say something like, “Hey, when is Person’s birthday again. I always forget to wish him/her a happy birthday, but they always wish me one. I wanna be ready this year.”

Just make sure that the person you ask is a person that you’ve already been telling Happy Birthday to. If not, that could be awkwardddd.

After I found their birthdays, I saved them to the hip app. This app lets you get birthday reminders the day of or days before. You can customize per contact/group and be notified of anniversaries as well.

The Birthday Experiment

With an app full of birthdays, I was ready to proceed with my experiment. The experiment was to see the effects of telling everyone I know Happy Birthday for a year.

The first thing I did was set a phone notification to pop up at 7 am that says, “Tell friends Happy Birthday.” I also have the hip notifications pop up at 7 am.

For friends I have more of a relationship with, I will either call or text to wish them a happy birthday.

For those that I may not know too well yet, I’ll go to the birthday tab on Facebook and wish them one as well.

Pro tip: This is a great way to clean out your Facebook friends. If I go to a person’s page where they haven’t posted in over two years and I don’t remember who they are, I’ll just unfriend. If they haven’t been on there in over 2 years, chances are they won’t see your birthday message.

I’ve done this for a full year now. I’ve only missed a couple of days, in which case I’ll just say, “Happy belated birthday!”

The Birthday Results

I see why so many businesses will tell you Happy Birthday.

This experiment has led to renewed relationships, me feeling connected to each person, and overall gratitude.

I will definitely continue doing this.

Because you aren’t asking for anything, it seems weird to receive gratitude by telling someone else happy birthday. Yet, the feeling is there.

This serves as another example of how giving and receiving are one, and brings new meaning to being “selfish”. By wanting to receive joy for yourself, you can give joy to all and ensure it.

Give the freest, simplest, easiest gift you can give to your loved ones. Tell them Happy Birthday.

P.S. Don’t forget, I’m accepting gifts!

The post The Magic of Acknowledging Someone’s Birthday appeared first on JClay.

Depression touches more people than we realize—often in ways they’re not even aware of. Whether you’re trying to help a loved one or you’re feeling the weight yourself, this guide offers 10 practical and deeply spiritual ways to support healing. These aren’t surface tips. They’re transformational steps drawn from lived experience, inner work, and the truth that peace is always available, no matter the darkness.

The most important thing to remember is this: Depression is not a death sentence. It’s not a promise of a sad life. And it’s definitely not permanent.

According to Healthline, an estimated 16.2 million adults in the U.S. have experienced major depression. This guide on how to help someone with depression is written for everyone of them—and for those who love them.

If you’re the one struggling, I encourage you to still try these steps for someone else. Helping others is a powerful path to helping yourself, because no one gets out of depression alone.

Let’s dive into what truly helps.

Table of Contents

1. Never Take Anything Personally
2. Treat Them Like the Perfect Self They Are
3. Ask Positive-Ended Questions
4. Send Them “Let Go”
5. Be Your Best Self
6. Learn About Wellness, Not Depression
7. Don’t Say What Not to Do Without Giving Something to Do
8. Have No Expectations
9. Keep in Touch
10. Follow Your Heart

1. Don’t take it personally — it’s not about you

A person who feels depressed and separated from the world is going to say some depressing things. That’s obvious.

What isn’t obvious is your reaction to it.

Remember, it’s never about you, even if they say something that seems insulting. If you can remember this one thing, then you will have made the biggest step toward healing those with depression.

Similarly, since it’s never about you, make everything about them.

Sounds simple enough, except we’re too wrapped in ourselves. The thought of helping another could trigger negative thoughts, such as, “Well, what about me? Why do I have to be the one to help all the time? Why can’t I get help?”

These thoughts deepen the sense of separation, making you feel more like a depressed person and less like yourself.

By making everything about the other person, not only do you change the belief that no one helps, but you also become that belief. You become proof that help is always available & free.

This has numerous positive effects on your life as well. Most importantly, this will lead to you never fearing a situation because you’ll know that no matter what, someone will help you if needed.

But the only way to truly know that is to live it. To live it, you must give it. So give help always without question and hesitation.

You have more awareness and self-control than to react negatively to anyone who says something seemingly negative. Show that by never taking anything personally ever again.

2. Treat them like the perfect self they are

There’s an art to making everything about others.

Your beliefs make up your whole world. When you believe that the world and everyone in it sucks, you’re going to be depressed. When you believe that everything and everyone is love, you’re going to be happy.

A depressed person is going to say things aligned with the idea that the world and themselves are sucky. Look beyond this. The fact that you’re willing to help that person means you already see something greater in him or her.

Speak only to that.

Don’t acknowledge anything seemingly negative. You don’t have to disagree, just don’t agree.

Find ways to speak highly of them. Give examples of their greatness. Remind them of ways they do wonderful things.

By focusing on others in this manner, you, too, will gain a great appreciation for them. Your days will be happier because you get to be in the presence of those you appreciate. The objects of your appreciation will genuinely feel this appreciation and will want to live up to it to continue to receive your favor.

3. Ask positive-ended questions

“How are you doing?” should never be asked when dealing with a seemingly depressed person. They are not doing great.

One variation could be, “What’s good with you?” But this can lead to them replying, “Nothing at all.”

The goal is to get them to talk about themselves positively.

Here are some examples of how to do this:

• “You’ve always been an expert at [blah blah blah], how did you even know to do something like that?”
• “I know that was an interesting year, but what’s your favorite thing that happened in 2020?”
• “What’s one childhood memory that no matter what always made you smile?”

If you’re following me on Instagram, you’re probably like…”Hey, these are things you’re asking us.” Yes, because they work!

Be creative, though, and use your normal way of asking questions.

If you need ideas for questions, here’s a list of Positive Questions To Ask Yourself Daily that can shift the mood instantly.

4. Send them “Let Go”

Let Go is a different kind of hip-hop song for a reason. It allows you to see exactly how you are sabotaging yourself repeatedly.

This resource has been valuable to hundreds of thousands and it will be valuable to your loved ones as well.

This is the song’s link (jclay.org/letgo). Send this to someone you know is depressed.

However, when you send “Let Go”, send it like you would any other song. Don’t send it saying something like, “I know you’re depressed, so listen to this.” Nobody wants to be reminded of their depression.

How to do this?

I would suggest a variation of:

• “OMG, this is the song of the year. Listen to this. I don’t even know what just happened.”
• “Dude, I’m speechless. This song just told me everything I was going through.”
• “Oh snap, we gotta support this dude. Listen to this now.”

Copy this link to your clipboard now so that you can share it when you finish reading this article. (jclay.org/letgo)

To understand how this song works on a deeper level, read the full Let Go lyrics breakdown.

5. Be your best self

This may seem contradictory to what I mentioned that you should make everything about others, but it is not.

Being your best self allows you to be an example. When others see how happy and unaffected by outside circumstances you are, they will get curious. They will want to know how you do what you do.

The irony is, you may be doing this just as an example for them, but it still helps you both.

What does it mean to be your best self?

To be your best self means you listen to your heart. You focus on what is within. You are never without anything. The best way to demonstrate this to yourself is to go within. This will take practice, but start now.

6. Learn about wellness, not depression

Learning about wellness ties to the previous tip. It allows you to practice the tools that help you be your best self.

Although you want to help those with depression, it is not necessary to learn about depression. For example, learning about poverty will never teach you about wealth. It is only when you focus on wealth, you will understand it.

Similarly, you are to learn about wellness because it’s ultimately what you want.

How to start?

Start here with these daily affirmations. You can say these anytime and anywhere out loud or in your head. These affirmations will begin to heal your world at its source.

Read A Course In Miracles (Full Review). This is a real course, complete with daily exercises that will correct your perception. I recommend the physical book and not the audio version. The reason is that this book isn’t a simple read. If you get the audiobook, you will find yourself rewinding, rewinding, and rewinding because each line is that powerful.

Last, teach wellness to others. You can do this verbally and/or by being an example of it. To truly learn something, you must know it so well that you can teach it. To truly teach something, you must learn it.

7. Don’t say what not to do without giving something to do

I feel like there’s a better way to word number 7, I just couldn’t think of it. 

Those with depression are frustrated with their worlds. They want to be out of their depression and are looking for help from anyone and anything willing to provide sound advice on the subject. Even though it’s hard to tell what sound advice is while in a depressed state, they still want guidance.

Saying not to do something does not seem to help because it creates another question. “If I can’t do this, then what do I do?”

To remedy this, always have examples of what to do instead whenever you suggest what not to do.

8. Have no expectations

Focus on what is present.

Expectations can also lead to depression. Expectations are future-based. They ignore what is present and instead favor the future.

Since the future has not come and never will, you are giving attention to a world that does not exist. For a deeper look at why pain and evil only seem real, check out There Is No Death, No Pain, and No Evil.

You are missing the wonderfulness that exists right now. By continuing to ignore it right now, it will seemingly fade from your awareness.

You will be fully immersed in a world that you can never get to.

Instead of setting expectations on healing yourself or others, focus on what is here now. And yes, I made a song about that too, called Right Now.

9. Keep in touch

Those who are depressed feel alone. Although loneliness itself is impossible, those who are depressed aren’t aware of that.  Checking up with someone with depression will make them feel more loved.

This is the easiest thing to do. It can be a phone call, a text, or even a positive thought toward him or her.

You don’t even have to go out of your way. Keep it simple. A little does go a long way.

10. Follow your heart

This is how to follow your heart.

Everything you ever need to know exists within. You feel cut off from it only because you have the habit of trying to look without.

Every interaction with another presents an opportunity for you to join with that person in perfection.

There isn’t a way to prepare for this. Everyone has their unique perception of the world. The goal is to align with truth so that instead of perceiving, you see truly.

By checking within and following your heart, you will know at any given moment what’s needed to extend and share that love with another.

This is not found in the future, and it does not exist in the past. It is right here, right now. Always.

Ultimately, how to help a friend with depression is also how to help yourself be a better person.

It’s a win-win.

For an easy way to keep your mind in the right place, try The Only Checklist You’ll Ever Need To Maintain Happiness.

The post How To Help Someone With Depression, 10 Easy Steps appeared first on JClay.

Is your family toxic? How can you be sure?

First off, I commend you for even clicking on this article. There are many that would encourage you to remove yourself from the presence of toxic people immediately. You have shown that you want to try a different approach. Or maybe you are in a situation where you can’t get away so easily. Either way, you made the right choice.

By the end of this article, you’ll know how to identify toxic people, how to be free of them forever, and how to always be in a loving environment. Therefore, I encourage you to read to the end.

“If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” -Ram Dass

What Makes a Person Toxic?

Before we dive into what you should do around toxic people, let’s get on the same page about what a toxic person really is.

A 2016 article on Psychology Today listed the 8 things that most toxic people in your life have in common. These 8 things are:

• They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you.
• They take no responsibility for their own feelings.
• They make you prove yourself to them.
• They make you defend yourself.
• Toxic people are manipulative.
• They are inconsistent.
• They don’t apologize.
• They are judgmental.

To sum it up, a toxic person is an energy vampire. They feed off your “life force” so that they can build themselves up.

Let’s break down 3 of these because all 8 are basically saying the same things in a different way, which is, “I matter more than you.”

1. They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you.

Because you can only see through the eyes of your beliefs, you want what’s important to you to be also important to everyone. As a result, you understand that everyone wants that as well for themselves.

Or do you?

Let’s say you’re in a situation where a family member wants a goal for you that is in direct opposition to the goal you want for yourself. This can result in conflict, especially since you don’t understand why they won’t just support you. It is of course, your life.

At the same time, you are not supporting them in the way they want to support you. They feel that they are being selfless because they are “helping” you. Henceforward, you both exhibit toxic behavior toward one another by not being supportive in the way the other wants.

Does that make you a toxic person or just a person with toxic behavior? Let’s come back to this question later.

2. They take no responsibility for their own feelings.

Everyone has met that person who blames everyone else for their troubles. They say things like, “You never support me. You make me so angry. This is all your fault…”

All the while, they never look at themselves.

It can seem very difficult to be around such people because they only think of themselves and never even think to support you. Instead, they just make you angry. It’s their fault that you even get angry at all.

Wait a minute…it seems like you are doing to them what you are accusing them of doing to you.

So does that make you a toxic person or just a person reacting to toxic behavior in a toxic way? You don’t have to answer this right now either.

3. They make you prove yourself to them.

As described above, toxic people want you to prove that you love them by doing something you may not want to do. They want you to support them in some way or even do them a favor. When you don’t, they complain about it saying you don’t care about them. They may even list examples of when they helped you.

Observe what feelings surface in response to the following questions.

• Have your family and friends proved themselves to you yet?
• Do they even have to?
• How do you feel when you ask them for a favor and they don’t come through?
• Do you feel similar to what was described above of the toxic person?

If you feel similar to that of a toxic person, does that make you a toxic person?

The Pattern of Toxicity

You’re starting to see a pattern. A person is not really toxic, they just exhibit toxic behavior from time to time. They are inconsistent in that way, which is one of the listed traits.

It’s also starting to look like you are the toxic person you claim another to be. This is because there is no separation between what you feel and what you experience.

Whenever a person experiences an unwanted feeling, he thinks that separating it from himself will lead to him feeling better. To try and separate it, he projects this behavior onto another thus creating his own enemy in a sense.

This is a major breakthrough because you can begin to see how you’ve also done this. Once you are aware, you can make the necessary changes.

What To Remember About Energy Vampirism

If someone can take your energy, this means that someone can also give you energy. Similarly, if someone can be toxic, this means someone can be a cure.

It is as easy to focus on the energy drainers as it is to focus on the energy givers. Since what you focus on expands, it’s better to focus on the energy givers instead.

Instead of just focusing on the energy givers, what if you could become an energy giver?

A lot of people believe that to give is to lose, but in reality, to give is to receive.

This is why when you project to separate, you still experience what you’re projecting.

You can try this experiment right now.

Give a genuine compliment to someone. Observe their reaction and yours. You would observe how happy they get and how much more happy it makes you.

Now, criticize someone harshly. Ok, you don’t have to do this one. That bad feeling that you felt in your heart shows that you don’t really want to give that because you know that you’ll receive it. And in some ways, just by thinking it, you already have.

Being A Energy Giver, Being the Cure

Check out this shift in perspective.

A toxic person wants to feel better by either taking your energy or making you feel smaller.

On the flip side, an energy giver wants you to feel better by either giving you energy or making you feel better.

The same result is applied, but everybody feels better about it. By being an energy giver, you also receive the energy you gave but in greater amounts. That’s all a “toxic” person wants.

The next time a “toxic” person comes your way, willingly give them that love that they are really asking for. You will have cured them of their toxicity making your environment toxic-free and peaceful.

The Role Your Family & Friends Play In Your Life

In truth, the only toxic person you’ve ever perceived is yourself. Now that you know how not to be toxic, you won’t perceive it in others.

Because your loved ones are so close to you, they can bring up feelings that you would not care to have around others.

What’s special about this is they are reflecting your innermost thoughts. They are showing you what you need to overcome to remain happy. How can a person such as that ever be toxic? They are your savior.

Will you try to see the world another way? Let me know in the comments.

The post How To Be Around Toxic Family & Friends appeared first on JClay.

Many adults believe that making friends as an adult gets harder with age. But the real obstacle usually isn’t age, time, or opportunity.

It’s perception.

The way you judge people, experiences, and even yourself slowly shrinks the number of people you’re willing to let into your life.

Once you see this pattern, however, you can begin reversing it.

By the end of this article, you’ll be able to start reversing the process of a shrinking circle.

First, let me remind you why having friends is great. Don’t worry, I’m not talking about the Friends Blu-ray set.

Friends can give a sense of belonging and support that will enhance your life tremendously. They are who you get to share experiences with and help each other in more ways than can be described.

The current belief is that the older you get, making friends grows increasingly harder. This is partly true, but for an often-overlooked reason.

Not only will this shed light on your friendships, but on your romantic relationships as well.

Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels So Difficult

The simple reason why making friends as an adult seems difficult for you is because of how you’ve judged the world. Often these judgments aren’t even based on truth. They are based on opinions that have been retold to you repeatedly by people you already love and/or admire.

For example, you may have said or thought a combination of the following: “I can never be friends with someone that…

• does/doesn’t believe in spanking kids.”
• is in a mixed-race relationship.”
• listens to this type of music.”
• votes for this political party.”
• is friends with this person.”
• does not believe in God.”
• is of another religion.”
• doesn’t have a job.”
• sold drugs before.”
• doesn’t vote.”
• cheated.”
• smokes.”
• is gay.”

Be honest with yourself, how many of these issues have you let either ruin your friendship or prevent new friendships from happening? How many other issues that are not listed above have you allowed to do the same?

There could be 99 things you have in common with a person, but because of that 1 nagging item, you would miss out on a lifetime of joy. Is it worth it?

The Meaning You’ve Assigned To It

One of the biggest things preventing new friendships is the conclusions and judgments you’ve formed about the world.

But what would make a person derive such conclusions without knowing all of the details? That thing is trust.

At some point in your life, you’ve trusted someone or something. It could be:

• a rapper named JClay
• the government
• your parents
• a Youtuber
• a teacher
• the news
• anybody

Because you trust this person or organization, you don’t always question their beliefs when they are shared with you.

So when a person who has always been a source of love and truth says something against another, you tend to regard that statement highly in your mind, even when you have examples against it.

For example, that source can tell you that all black males are thugs. Even though you know plenty of black males that aren’t, you may still accept this as true while thinking that you just so happen to know the “good” ones. This is one of the ways your mind can betray you.

Before you know it, you’ve created another judgment in your mind that affects how you see the world. As in this example:

• A man who believes snakes are friendly animals will embrace a snake upon discovery.
• A man who believes snakes are harmful creatures will run from or attack a snake upon discovery.

A snake is just being a snake. But the meaning you give to what it means for a snake to be a snake determines how you will interact with the snake.

This is the same for all people (potential friends), places, and things. In a way, everything is meaningless until you define it. Everything you’ve experienced you’ve given meaning to, which influenced what you’ve experienced. Many wonder what’s the meaning of life? It’s whatever meaning you have given it.

After being made aware that this world is created in your image, how will you define things from now on?

The Split That Occurs

When you judge a person or thing, you create a split in perception. Half of this split is for what you have judged against and the other half is for what you have judged in favor of.

Negative thoughts are just the things that you’ve judged against.

Since you become more efficient at whatever you focus on, you also become more efficient at finding reasons to separate yourself from others.

A judgment repeated often enough becomes a belief.

A belief repeated often enough becomes a lens through which you see the world.

Eventually, you’re no longer seeing people as they are. You’re seeing them through conclusions you’ve already made.

This is why making friends can feel difficult. You’re not meeting people with an open mind. You’re meeting them through filters.

Splitting Repeatedly

Going back to our split-perception example, let’s say someone sees the world as half good and half bad. After taking another look, he sees that of the good half, another portion of that is bad. So he splits that again and now the bad is the majority.

And this continues until he consciously changes his focus.

Mathematically speaking, if 1 thing becomes 2 and is split again & again a total of 6,000 times (the number of thoughts people think on average per day), a person would barely perceive 1% of all things as being good.

No wonder a person isn’t easily making friends when they believe 99% of people are bad/flawed/stupid/any-other-negative-adjective. They see everyone as a potential enemy.

Can This Be Fixed?

To fully understand this answer, you must first understand judgments.

To accurately judge a thing, you would have to know everything about everything with certainty. But if you’re reading this article in the attempt to learn why it can seem difficult to make new friends, you’re already admitting that you don’t know everything about everything with certainty.

With such a flawed perception, how could you accurately judge anything? It can’t be done. You would be trying to teach yourself what you think you already know.

And the only way to truly know something is to live it.

With that said, the way to heal your perceptions is with forgiveness.

What Happens When You Release Judgment?

When you stop requiring people to agree with you on everything, something interesting happens.

You discover how much you actually have in common.

Conversations become easier.

Curiosity replaces defensiveness.

Friendship becomes possible again.

Not because everyone changed, but because your perception changed.

This is why making friends as an adult often becomes easier once you stop filtering people through old judgments.

Forgive all continuously.

When you forgive your judgments, you can rejoin what you separated in your mind. Instead of feeling like an excluded 1%, you can be a part of the entire 100%.

Try to imagine what it would feel like to go anywhere at any time and not have to worry about anything. It’s a beautiful feeling.

Making friends would be the easiest thing to do. There would be no armor to navigate.

If you’re a movie/television watcher, think about some of the best friendship comedies & dramas that made you truly love all the characters. It was the fact that no matter what they did, their friends would not hold it against them. They would always embrace them with open arms.

You can do this too.

Forgive, forgive, forgive.

Resistance To Forgiveness

You may have some resistance to forgiving certain people for certain things. But remember this.

You’re never mad at a person’s actions, you’re mad at the meaning you gave to the person’s actions.

Since you are the one that gives meaning to everything in your life, you can change that meaning at any time.

You’re probably saying, “Naw, JClay! They deserve punishment.”

Whether they deserve punishment or not, this hurts you more than them because you become an advocate for punishment.

That which you believe in becomes impossible to separate from your life. It will even trickle down into your loved ones’ lives because you will be attempting to extend this belief to them.

The belief in punishment comes with relatives. One of those relatives is fear. You would fear doing what you truly enjoy because you would think there is some form of punishment on the other end.

Again, this is all your creation. You’ve given meaning to otherwise meaningless things.

Let go!

Forgive.

Rejoin all there is. Don’t be a part of the 1%, be part of the 100%. This way you can go to any group and be fully accepted simply because you fully accept the members of that group.

If you’ve been struggling to make friends as an adult, the solution isn’t finding different people. It’s seeing people differently. Seeing as a child would.

Every judgment draws a line.

Every act of forgiveness erases one.

The people you’ve been looking for may already be all around you.

The question is:

What would happen if you allowed yourself to see them?

The post Why Adults Struggle to Make Friends (Nobody Wants to Hear This) appeared first on JClay.

How to be happy is a question we have asked ourselves for lifetimes. A lot of what we do daily is our attempt to find happiness and try to recreate past moments that have made us happy.

But what if there was a way to be happy all the time? Literally ALL THE TIME. You lose a job or a client, happy. When you end a romantic relationship, happy. If you perceive that something was stolen from you, HAPPY!

You get my point. The questions we’ll explore in this article are:

1. How does society currently define happiness?
2. What is happiness really?
3. Can unceasing happiness be achieved?
4. Would you really want to be happy all the time if you could?
5. How to do it?

I will also give a bonus tip on how you can instantly boost your mood.

By the end of this article, not only will you be happier for having read it, you may even begin to see the world in a new color.

Let’s start at the beginning.

How does society currently define happiness?

According to the Google dictionary, happiness is the state of being happy. Duh! So what’s happy. According to the same dictionary, the word happy means feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

Here’s a few more just to get on the same page:

• Pleasure – a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment
• Contentment – a state of happiness and satisfaction
• Satisfaction – fulfillment of one’s wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this
• Enjoyment – the state or process of taking pleasure in something or the action of possessing and benefiting from something
• Something – a thing that is unspecified or unknown

I also do computer programming from time to time and I’m going to do the nerdiest thing ever. I’m going to substitute the definitions for the word like it’s a computer variable to see what we come up with.

• Happiness is the state of being feeling/showing pleasure or contentment.
• Happiness is the state of being feeling/showing a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment or a state of happiness and satisfaction.

The last part is saying the same thing so we’ll scratch that out.

• Happiness is the state of being feeling/showing a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment or a state of happiness and satisfaction.
• Happiness is the state of being feeling/showing a feeling of happy fulfillment of one’s wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this and the state or process of taking pleasure in something or the action of possessing and benefiting from something.

This is getting complicated, but we’re getting somewhere.

The new definitions of happiness

It looks like the dictionary’s definition of happiness is one of two things.

1. Setting an expectation and then meeting it.
2. Taking or possessing something that you benefit from.

And if we substituted the word something with its definition, the above would be:

1. Setting an expectation and then meeting it.
2. Taking or possessing a thing that is unspecified or unknown that you benefit from.

This is very interesting. The first definition of happiness implies that you set the standard for what happiness is. The second definition implies that you have no idea what thing or things would make you happy.

No wonder people can’t “find” happiness. It’s because they don’t know what they are looking for, which is also just an idea they created for themselves.

Are you with me or did I go too deep too fast? “That’s what she said!” Sorry, I couldn’t resist. It made me “happy” to do it.

In other words, you have the power to create what happiness is for you.

So if, for example, you decide that happiness is having a million dollars in your bank account, you won’t be happy until you achieve it. Similarly, if you define happiness as just having a bank account, then as long as you have one you will always be happy.

This is all, however, assuming the dictionary’s definition of happiness is correct.

Even according to that same dictionary, we don’t know what happiness is. So could we truly “know” anything else?

What is happiness really?

One thing is for certain. Everyone has experienced happiness at some point. Even if at an unliked job or in the presence of a loved one, we’ve all had a glimpse of bliss.

Travel with me to one of those blissful moments.

1. Close your eyes.
2. Select one of those moments.
3. Then open your eyes again.

What did you notice about when you were in that blissful moment?

You may have noticed that you didn’t have a care in the world. No matter what anyone said or did, you found a way to share your happiness with another. Soon you were joined with that person in that happiness, even if for a second.

What can we use from this information?

Quite a few things, actually.

The first thing is that time was not a factor at that moment. We weren’t reveling in our past to relive a moment as we just did. We weren’t even thinking about our future. We were fully engaged at that moment. In doing so, we received all the pleasure that moment had to offer.

The second thing is that no matter what someone said or how our environment was, we never let anything diminish our happiness. We actually increased it by giving it freely to another.

This is actually perfectly aligned with the original definition as recorded by Google. Happiness is the state of being happy.

You may have already realized, I missed an important phrase within that definition, state of being.

I believe to know what the state of being is, but let’s double-check.

• being – existence or the nature or essence of a person.
• existence – the fact or state of living or having objective reality.
• essence – the intrinsic nature or indispensable quality of something, especially something abstract, that determines its character.

That got complicated real fast.

In layman’s terms, we cannot explain our existence. We just know that we exist.

Now, what if we combine the state of being with timelessness or with being fully rooted in the present moment? This means that you fully accept what is happening right now.

This may not even be able to be correctly executed because who we think we are is a collection of our past. So even our view of now is altered.

Let’s not go down that road yet. Instead, let’s compare other extreme states of being such as sadness, madness, and scaredness.

Exploring other states of being

Sadness is a state where you’re sad about something that happened in the past. The same with madness. If it were happening to you now, you would be more concerned with changing it then dwelling in it. So those aren’t a true state of “being”.

How about scaredness. It’s when you’re afraid of something or someone. To be afraid of something or someone, you must have defined it as a threat. That also exists in time. The only way we could be afraid of something is if we heard a frightening story about it or we experienced firsthand in the past something we perceive like it.

Back to the state of happiness

With happiness, however, there’s nothing to compare it to. We’re just happy. We could even hypothesize that happiness is our natural state of being or even the only state of being.

Some of the happiest humans in the world that we know are babies and children. It’s how we get the saying, “Ignorance is bliss.” We are so conceited as to think we know a secret about life, yet we’re the ones that aren’t happy all the time.

Even our old are rejuvenated in the presence of happy children.

Yet we teach kids of time and its effects, which seems to take away from their happiness throughout time. Or more accurately stated, people give away their happiness to time.

Happiness is really as Google stated. It’s the state of being happy.

We can even enter this state at any moment by letting go of the past and any idea of the future.

But is this sustainable? Can we achieve a constant neverending state of happiness?

Can unceasing happiness be achieved?

Based on what we believe to know about happiness, this is possible, but it will take practice.

Remember:

• The thoughts that we think are in fact influenced by our beliefs.
• The words we speak are influenced by our thoughts.
• Our actions are influenced by our words.
• Our habits are influenced by our actions, which become part of our beliefs.

Beliefs and habits aren’t as easy to recognize or control as much as our thoughts, words, and actions.

We know that we need to do two things in order to be happy.

1. Be in the moment (don’t be thinking about the past or the future).
2. Think happy thoughts.

The first of those two will definitely help, but the second seems incomplete or a bit off.

The problem is that most of our beliefs are based on past beliefs that may or may not be true. So what we consider to be a happy thought could be working against us.

For example, someone could think a happy thought would be to slap someone upside the head and cause him or her pain because it’s perceived that they deserve it.

As we have discovered earlier with happiness, the more you give of something, the more of it you have to give. Those that gave happiness freely increased their own because now their environment reflected it back.

So to give anything but happiness to another is to receive it.

Happiness rewrite

Let’s rewrite the two things that need to be done for unceasing happiness.

1. Be in the moment (don’t “be” thinking about the past or the future).
2. Give happiness always (don’t “be” giving words/actions of attack or judgment).

That’s a little better, but there’s still a question that remains unanswered.

How do you give happiness? Well, you give happiness the same way you give anything else, with love.

Giving implies you don’t expect anything in return. Although you know it will be returned because it will create a ripple effect in your world that adapts to what you gave it.

So even when we give an attack, it’s with love. We’re saying we love to attack and we wish to receive it (or be attacked) as well one day.

This is insane thinking when you think about it. Yet this is what we create with our words and actions.

It seems that the only way to give happiness is to have the happiness to give. And in order to have the happiness to give, we must be happy.

That brings us back to our original definition once again, the state of being happy.

Is it really that easy? Just. Be. Happy.

…

I am pausing the writing of this article to “be happy” for the next 24 hours.

To symbolize this break, take a listen.

Wow! The results of my 24-hour experiment were enlightening indeed. More on that later.

For now, let’s answer this. Would you really want to be happy all the time if you could?

Do you want to be happy all the time, really?

The obvious answer should be, “YES!” But for many, there’s resistance.

This resistance is a clue to your current state of being. You value non-happiness more than happiness.

How could this be, especially when everyone enjoys happiness?

As we learned above, the hierarchy of our being is beliefs > thoughts > words > actions > habits > character > beliefs.

By thinking thoughts of non-happiness or speaking those words, it becomes a part of who you are. You habitually value non-happiness.

Since your values have now become skewed, you may often resent the happy person.

To be happy all the time means you smile often. It means that you see others as loving human beings no matter the face they portray. To be happy all the time means you enjoy every second of every day.

Before you started reading this, were you enjoying your day? What about yesterday?

Actually, don’t answer that. There’s no value in previous moments. Or better yet, this moment will always be more valuable than any other moment.

Instead of asking do you want to be happy all the time, let’s ask something more aligned with your beliefs.

Are you ready to try to be happy all the time? Are you ready to try and try again until it is your reality?

For me, the answer is yes. Join me in my pursuit of this endless state of bliss.

How to be happy all the time no matter what

So now we’re getting to what we all want to know, how to be happy, and how to keep this happiness forever.

I’ll start with the 24-hour experiment I mentioned above.

Throughout that day I checked in within myself constantly to ask myself, “Are you choosing happiness at this moment?

A lot of the time, the answer was no. This was a big wake up call for me. No wonder I wasn’t being happy. I wasn’t choosing to be happy.

So I compiled a list of things you can do that will lead to you being happy all the time. Memorize this. I will go into further details of each item including making affirmations of these.

1. Ask yourself multiple times a day, “Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”
2. Stay firmly rooted in the moment.
3. Surround yourself with happiness.
4. Give only happiness to others.
5. Forgive.

Ask yourself multiple times a day, “Am I choosing happiness at this moment?”

Out of all the steps, this is the most important and takes the most effort. As long as you continuously ask yourself this, all the other steps will fall into place.

So do what you need to do. Here are some suggestions:

• Put sticky-note reminders everywhere (near your bed, on your bathroom mirror, as your phone’s background image, etc.)
• Set your intention just before sleeping and just after waking to ask yourself if you are being happy.
• Ask a friend to be your accountability partner where you remind each other all day long.
• Download a task app and a put reminder in your phone that pops up every 30 minutes.

Ask Nike and Shia LaBeouf have said, “Just do it!”

Stay firmly rooted in the moment.

It’s so easy for our minds to wander to moments that aren’t here. It could be to thoughts of the past or thoughts of a non-existent future.

Whichever the case, those moments are not here.

Train your mind through practice to stay here, now.

I know. This means not sharing your painful story with others. It means not speculating what could possibly happen if you make a “mistake”.

You will be fully untethered to anything, yet free to experience everything.

Surround yourself with happiness.

Do a check of your environments in order to determine what your mind eats.

Yes, a mind can eat. It takes in many images, words, and ideas per day.

Really listen to the music you’re listening to. Are the words expressing more happiness or are they sewing seeds of separation?

Many that listen to my songs have expressed how they were able to become happier people almost overnight.

This is mostly because my songs are written in a way that shows you your thoughts for what they really are. You’ll be able to distinguish the real from the illusion.

There’s nothing to feel bad about when it comes to believing false-truths. We’ve all been there and they are the easiest things to overcome.

Give only happiness to others.

I read an interesting quote from the book A Course in Miracles. “What you perceive in others, you strengthen in yourself.”

This is another way of saying you reap what you sew. It is also another way of saying Newton’s Third Law: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

We can now see the relationship between giving and receiving.

If we give happiness to others, we will receive it back from others. Happiness will be reflected to us at every turn.

Sometimes to get what we think we want, we give guilt to others. We give attack and pain.

To give these things is to strengthen the idea of them within ourselves. We are telling ourselves that things like guilt, attack, and pain are precious and worthy to be shared.

Then we wonder why we receive them so frequently.

This can be undone easily by only giving what you want.

Love all with all of your heart and you will receive love.

Forgive.

Since everyone is led by different desires it’s not possible for each to know what’s best for another, especially when you are not in your own happy state.

So to judge a thing is to create the way that makes you unhappy. And if you make 30 judgments per day, for example, you now have 30 things that won’t ever bring you happiness. Multiply that by 365 and in one year you have 10,950 ways to be unhappy.

If you’re older than 10, then you possibly have more than 100,000 ways to NOT be happy. That’s no fun.

Focus only on what you want, not what you don’t.

Forgiveness is the way to rejoin what was separated through judgment.

It’s easy to let go of judgment because you don’t know for sure if what you’ve judged is correct or not. You only see the world through your eyes.

By being accepting of all, you will always be accepted by all.

8 Affirmations To Say To Stay Happy

I went ahead and made a list of affirmations out of the above list to help you remain in your natural state of happiness. Say these 8 to yourself twice a day, every day.

1. I only share happiness with others because I can only share what I possess.
2. Right now I am choosing to be happy.
3. I am surrounded by happiness.
4. I am here now.
5. I am happiness.
6. I am forgiving.
7. I am forgiven.
8. I am happy.

You can combine them with this list of 7 affirmations you should say daily and really watch your life transform.

Bonus Tip

Set aside 5 minutes a day to reflect on everything you are grateful for. This is an instant mood booster.

Get Help Staying Happy

Not sure you’ll be able to focus on happiness right now. Worry not. Join my email list where I send songs, tips, and interesting tidbits that will be sure to keep you in the right mindset.

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